Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thankful for Love

(So much neglect to this blog.  A majority of my posts seem to be about not blogging.  That's lame.
I want to get into a rhythm.  One in which I write at night, or every morning, or every other Tuesday.  Something!)

We're full on into Winter Holiday fun now.  The kids and I leave at noon today for a five day trip to San Antonio to visit the ex in-laws.  So many mixed emotions about this.  This decision has been met with disbelief by almost everyone.  But, I'm a sucker and it's the right thing to do.  Grandchildren are involved and I'm not the type of person to keep family away from one another if I can help it.

It's been a year or so since we've seen them.  They've now bought a home in Texas - which is neutral ground as far as I'm concerned.  And Thanksgiving in 70 degree weather doesn't seem like the most awful way I've ever spent the holiday.

I have mixed emotions when I spend time with this part of my childrens' family and it's hard to do.  It brings up so much of the past without one single person saying anything directly to me.  It brings up so many feelings of failure.  It brings up so many what if's. I am happier now than I ever though possible. I am more in love than can be healthy.  But, this family with all their southern charm and love was the first family who took me in just like I was always meant to be there.  It was with great sadness I learned that my ex had severed ties with them.  It's an adjustment to be with them, but never short of laughs.

  I know that it brings up issues and memories for them as well.  I can see it in their eyes when they look at my son who is the spitting image of his father.  So, one of my main and most important duties while visiting these people is to be on guard to make sure my son is treated fairly.  To make sure they aren't taking out on him what they wish they would have had the strength and courage to take out on his father.

But it won't be all bad.  There will be laughs, and stories, and reunions.  Did I mention the warm weather?  There will be wonderful food.  There will be love.

 It's all done in love.