Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Good mom vs Bad mom

Last night I went to bed feeling as if the evening had been a success.  I felt that the evening had been fun yet productive for everyone.  I'm still happy about it this morning.  There are nights when I feel more like a drill sergeant or prison warden than a mother.  We walk in the door and it's immediately dinnerhomeworkshowerbed.  Sometimes there is much aggravation and stress getting to the bed part.  I bark orders and do not allow deviation from the schedule that I have laid in my mind.  It's not fun.  It's not fun for the kids or myself.  We all know it.  We all want there to be time for an extra song in the kitchen, and extra snack before bed, or a bedtime story that's longer than six pages.  But some nights (if I'm honest, most nights) it's just not possible for a variety of reasons.  Our schedule of the day restricts us, or the next day's schedule that is looming is already preventing us from having any fun a full 24 hours before hand.  It makes me sad and it makes me feel guilty so much of the time.  The school year is rough for all of us.  We manage. And I don't think my kids will end up permanently scarred.  It's just not a way of life that I enjoy.  

But last night . . . last night we hit our sweet spot.  Last night was almost like a Friday evening in July.  Last night I went to bed smiling and I was proud of the work that I did as a mother yesterday.   Oh trust me, there was still dinnerhomeworkshowerbed to be had.  But the evening starts were aligned just right and we got through it with fun, laughter and a few extras.  The kids played outside for a long stretch of time with little intervention from any adult. They still ate dinner, only last night they were able to take a plate on the back deck.  A luxury we haven't seen for moths and months and months.  And miracle of miracles when they  came back in, they were still interested in homework and showers! Noah and I hunkered down in my room to finish some gluing and pasting, completely his homework for the week on a Tuesday night!  Madeline jumped in the shower and only had to be reminded to actually end said shower 3 or 4 times  - a possible record.  And then, the extras just kept falling in our laps.  

While Noah ate a bedtime snack, I was able to braid Madeline's hair.  She wanted to have wavy hair today, so she went to bed with wet 6 or 7 braids.  She was beyond excited.  She read some to herself, while I read a book to know about the discovery of a velociraptor. Hey - I said we had a nice night, I didn't say anything was exciting.  The kids went to bed happy.  They did not go to bed with me saying, "hurry up it's late," in their ears.   I didn't close their doors with a sigh of relief or guilt.  We snuggled and kissed and laughed and had a great evening.  I'll take it.  I'll think about it and it will make me smile today.  


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Wrapping up.

Wrapping up a fabulous weekend with my fabulous family. 

Friday found me leaving work a half a day early - something I did not think was actually going to come to fruition.  Sarah and I then took Madeline and Liam to see that fluffy creepy Easter Bunny.  We were able to squeeze lunch in there as well.  I think it was a nice afternoon for all of us.  Noah was left out and spent the day with my mother because of a horrible automobile vomit scene that occurred on the way to school that morning.  I think I'm still recovering.  Just picture Noah, puke, me in a cape trying to clean, and Madeline trying her best to be brave, but not actually wanting to see or smell anything.  Looking back it seems quite comical.  At the time, it was a motherhood adventure I was fine with not having encountered yet. 

Saturday found me running a few last minute Easter errands, enjoying some wonderful weather (Spring!), and relaxing in the evening with some family and some great and filling breakfast for dinner to eat! Great night as well. 

The Easter Bunny did in fact visit us last night.  So there were eggs to find, and baskets to open, candy to eat, and joy to be had.  At noon preparations for the biggest Easter spread I have ever seen began.  The whole family enjoyed our meal and the day with us.  So many people, so much food, great amounts of noise, commotion and laughter.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  I am exhausted now and feeling the drain, but I am content and have a smile on my face.  Lucky am I. 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Feeling human. Feeling better.

I feel so much better this morning.  Like a new person. I feel positive again.  No, the temperature hasn't spiked to 80 degrees.  And no there hasn't been any personal or professional breakthrough in which everything has been resolved or  fixed.  And my life isn't any less eventful or uneventful than last I wrote.  

I have to blame this better outlook on a couple of good nights' sleep as well as a terrific outing with Gram yesterday.  We ran to the grocery store to get some eggs for Easter egg dying.  It was in total, a 20 minute trip. But that whole 20 minutes, especially those spent inside the store, found me laughing and feeling good.  She makes me happy Gram and now I feel better. I'm very lucky to have her and I need to remember that a little more frequently than I have been lately.  Life shouldn't get in the way of Gram. 

So here it is winding down the week.  Tomorrow will, most hopefully, see us ending work at the half day mark.  After which Sarah and I will continue out six year strong Good Friday tradition of hanging out and doing something.  Only this year instead of including pedicures, shopping, and lunches with adult beverages, it's going to include my almost one month old nephew, my lovely kids, and a trip to visit the Easter Bunny.  (If there's a shorter way to write that sentence I don't know what it it.)  I'm so looking forward to it.  I'm looking forward to starting new traditions that include family that include our kids that include celebrating life. 

It's not as bleak as I make it seem sometimes.  I just need to have more patience, more positive energy, and look forward to the things that matter more often. 


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Yes I do have a blog.

So much going on.  So lacking the energy to do most of it.  Well, I can do what's required of me.  It's the extra stuff that I lack any extra oomph for.  Still waiting for Spring to actually spring.  Still waiting for the second wind to come and stay for longer than a gust. 

Feeling melancholy lately.  Daily grind is getting me down,  Nothing to anticipate.  Little to plan.  Nothing to celebrate.  The birthdays have marked another year.  The actual births have birthed.  The outings have been outed.  The rest has been rested.  

Easter is looming, but as no one will firm up with me whether or not I'm hosting Easter, can't do much on that front.  Work continues to be a crazy daily chunk of time with no end in sight.  So the new things on that horizon have been put on hold.  The planning and excitement have been stowed away until a much later date for that. 

The motions have more than been gone through.  There's not much left right now.  Lather, rinse, repeat. 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Busy season.

I haven't forgotten about this blog.  Though I have been neglectful.  We're in the middle of a crazy, busy, jam packed time  I'm not sure why everything has fallen this way, but it's left less time for screen time and more time needed for MOM time.  We're smack in the middle of Spring Break, work has been out of control busy.  There have been dance classes, band concerts, and hockey clinics and plays and movies and dinners out.  There have been sleep overs and big shopping trips with birthdays to plan for and out of town business trips to get ready for. 

Life is a whirlwind right now.  But I will so take it.  I love everything about the chaos and craziness.  That's what we do and we do it so well. 

Friday, April 1, 2011

Homestretch.

Bunny Bunny. 

New month.

Next week starts Spring break for all of the kiddos.  I think we're all looking forward to sleeping in a tiny bit and not having to worry about homework or such strict bedtimes.  Spring Break is very early this year, not the week after Easter as it normally is, so the weather is feeling a little less Spring-like than I think we would all like.  But, still it's time off and we all need it. 

So today is Friday.  The end of a long, kind of muddled and crappy week.  We're in the homestretch.  This weekend will be busy as usual, but it will be the weekend.  We've gotten pretty good at building in some relaxing time into our weekends.  Tonight perhaps we will clear some shows off of the DVR.  Sunday is a race.  So, even if I do have to go into work for a bit tomorrow, the weekend is welcome. 

Also on the agenda for my weekend is to get some posts on this bog that I've been cooking actually up!  I've been feeling neglectful! 

Stay tuned.