Monday, February 28, 2011

Busy.

So, if February goes out like a lion (flooding, blizzards, extreme temperature changes) will March come in like a lamb?  Can it work like that? Because I need it to.

February was just jam packed for such a short little month.  Birthday parties, baby showers, an unexpected visit to the hospital  for my mother, conferences, dance class schedule changes, hockey, m formal dances for the teenager, work, work and more work, and just on an on and on activity.   It truly was a whirl wind month.

March promises a little bit more of the same along with an actual BIRTH - that of my nephew who should make an appearance near the end of the month. There will be a grown up's night out with me and the man. And, newly planned, there will be a much, much needed night of movie watching and delicious food eating with Jane and I.  Along with all of the normal dance classes and hockey games and a few more birthday parties.  But still it just seems to be at a slower more manageable pace this month.

I never dreamed I would have a life so full.  And as often as I complain about the business of it all, I smile about it just as much.  I am grateful and thankful that we have a home that we can open up to our family.  I'm thankful that our kids are active and involved.  I'm thankful that there are exciting things going on with our families that we share with them and they with us.  Sometimes it seems like something from TV our life.  With the coming and the going and the planning and the timing.  We are busy.  We are fortunate.

Should there be more time for just me?  Maybe.  Should there be more time for just us? Absolutely.  Will it ever come?  Probably not any time soon.  But for now, I need to just be happy at the family that surrounds us and the business that fills us.  It's not all bad.  Exhausting and overwhelming at times, yes.  But it's not as bad as I make out to be all of the time.

Once in a while I get a little sad in that I feel that we were cheated.  We came together and joined forces very much in the middle of life.  Very much fully immersed in our children and our families and our jobs and just things.  We did not have any us time.  There are good memories from the beginning of us, but none of them include a childless, quiet, slow paced time.  It's always been begging, stealing and borrowing a few seconds for just us when we can.  Now the time for us most often comes at a heavy price of much planning, a little sneaking, and more of than not paying the price when we're found out.  Is it fair?  No.  Does it tarnish the time we had? Sometimes, yes.  And also sometimes I feel like you don't know how to give me time.  The time that I think I'm right in wanting.  It's not always your fault that you don't give it.  I don't think you know how anymore.  Your free time has always been for you and you don't know how to share it with another person.  So, I think we missed the boat in that part of our relationship.  I'm looking forward to making it up in other ways. Some day.

But for now, even the bumps in the road turn out alright.  At the end of the day you're still next to me and we still got through another activity, party, get together together and as a team.  That's comforting.  Because as crazy busy as we are each day, I didn't always think that I would again be part of a team.  I won't begrudge that.

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